Navigating the social politics around sex is confusing at the best of times. Still a virgin? Oh, you prude! Having regular sex? What a slut! (Unless you’re a man, in which case you’re a legend.)
Are one-night stands liberating or humiliating? How many can you have before you’re just easy? How many people should we have had sex with by now?
Fear not my friends, the wait is over.
You have not had sex with too many people. You have not had sex with too few. You have had sex with just the right amount of people because you did what you needed to or wanted to do at that moment in time. Think of yourself as Goldilocks and your sex life as baby bear. No. Actually, don’t.
If you are reading this article because you feel anxious or unsure about your number of sexual partners, you can take a breather for a bit whilst you work out what you want. But the number of people you have gone to bed with has absolutely 0 reflection on your worth or value.
Worry about your family and friends. Worry about being compassionate, kind and authentic. Worry about politics, the environment and global injustice… Worrying about the number of notches on your bedpost deserves a pretty low place on your list of concerns.
Some of us like to have one-night stands, no strings attached and do whatever feels natural. Others want to take things slow and wait until you feel the right level of trust and love. Both are fine, and the only person you have to prove anything to is yourself.
Another thing. If you started off wanting to have casual fun and then began to feel weird about it, its OK to change your mind. You don’t want to do hook ups anymore? No problem girl, I’m glad you gave yourself the experiences and time to figure that out. How is anyone supposed to know what they want without a few false runs.
Not of all us like waking up after a night out with a blonde guy you’re pretty sure is called Alex. One-night stands are a drunken fumble at the best of time and I’ve never heard a friend raving about how fantastic their night with the guy from pre-drinks was. Its usually a little bit awkward but kind of okay, nothing to write home about. (Thankfully for your parents)
But if you like to have sex and it makes you feel good, don’t stop for some distorted sense of what you should be doing. Life is short and sweet, so meet judgement with a knowing smile and live your life for you.
If you have sex with 1 person or 1000 people in your life, both are absolutely fine. Check in with your subconscious and if you feel comfortable and good about what you are doing then don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.