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  1. Be kind and warm. But not too kind or warm, because that’s shameless flirting and asking for sexual attention. You’re asking for sex if you smile too much or look too directly. But don’t be too quiet or cold because that is arrogant and you don’t want to be a bitch, do you?
  1. Do your makeup and hair nicely. Wear fashionable clothes and make sure you’ve shaved your pits. But don’t wear too much makeup, that’s fake and trashy. And don’t spend too much time getting ready, that’s desperate and then you’re asking for sexual attention again. In fact, don’t spend much time getting ready at all. But do make an effort, no one likes a slob. And for goodness sake keep those eyebrows plucked and neat.
  1. Don’t complain when people catcall you or talk about your body. Take a compliment, chill out. But of course, don’t enjoy it either because that’s slutty, and then you’re asking to be sexualised. You should not be offended when the female form is sexualised in music videos, billboards or even in politics. Groups of men shouting what they’d like to do to you is a harmless bit of fun. Unless you have a boyfriend in which case he should puff up his chest and tell you that shit wouldn’t fly if you were with him.
  1. Be wild in bed. Know lots of positions, make a lot of noise, make it clear that you love every second. Be a pornstar! But don’t watch porn, that’s not for women. Oh ok, watch it and gingerly admit it with a pink little face of shyness. Be adorably ashamed. But don’t speak about it openly, that shows that you’re a slut and asking for unwanted sexual attention again. Female ejaculation is legally banned throughout European porn by the way, but images of male ejaculation onto a woman’s face is cool because that’s more natural than the female orgasm,
  1. If a man asks you on a date or tries to kiss you against your wishes, don’t tell him you simply aren’t interested. That is rude, and arrogant. You should say that you have a boyfriend, in which case he will back off out of respect for that man. If you don’t have a boyfriend, make one up because telling a man to his face that you don’t find him sexually attractive is conceited behaviour. If man continues to proceed without your consent, ask a male friend to pretend to be your boyfriend for the evening. Just a quick glance and an arm around your shoulders will give you the peace you require to enjoy the rest of your evening.

Hope this starter pack helps you in your quest for perfection…

Good luck girls!

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